I know I'm not the center of the universe

At times I find myself making weird decisions or having odd wishes. I know there is a stone, like a weight dragging me, my spirit down. I know what it is but I'm refusing to let go.  As I drown in the sea of despair, my brain is flooded with destructive, depressing thoughts. It's short-circuited a few times, nothing outside of this case helped either. 

How can I make space for loving, for spirit, when my heart is cluttered with gloomy soot of perhaps regret, or hate? I can't tell what it is but it's not pleasant. 

How?